I'm sorry I'm to broke to buy you a real present (or even the materials to make you real present)

...So instead, I'm going to just give you my garbage with a tag on it.

Some ideas and links to REALLY cheap gifts.

For the asshole in your life: Why not just find an old rag lying around your house and turn it into a penis for them. Hey...it's free and bound to get a few laughs.

For the girl you just met at the bar who is worth a dollar, but definitely not a whole beer: Why not fold a dollar into a heart and maybe if you're brave write your phone number on it, and you will be a corny pick-up line legend.

For the white trash girl in your life: And don't tell me you don't know one, everybody does. The next time you open up a beer save the bottle cap. Drill a hole into the top of the cap, or just put a nail through it, then put it on some earring backs. You can usually find them very cheap here. This is also a great present for whenever you have to make a bunch of ladies in your life presents at once.

Or maybe you're the type that prefers to drink their beer from a can: Then you can make those ladies bracelets instead of earrings. (Warning- you will have to drink a lot more beer to make these, I take no responsibilities)

For that slightly anal, always clean friend: Why not make them a bracelet out of a toothbrush. (Warning, be prepared to spend about a dollar on this gift)

For pretty much anyone who enjoys laughing: Did you know that #6 plastic (like a to-go container) can work as a shrinky dink? Remember, those things you used to draw on then put in the oven and they'd shrink and get hard, if you don't remember I'm sorry to hear your childhood sucked. So draw anything from a doodle to a sheriff's badge (I once made these for two of my friends, and they loved them) to dictionary definitions of words that describe your friends or even some of these fools if you friends fit into any of these categories, you can either put it in a frame on a pin or on some earring backs, or just give them plain. Or if you're willing to spend a dollar on them put it in a box made from a dollar. Oh by the way, you draw on the plastic then put it in the oven at like 250 until they shrink and are lying flat, this shouldn't take long.

If your good with tools and your friends are like little kids: Why not make them a launcher for a toy car?

For the foodies and wine-os in your life: Why not make some dandelion wine? Just plan a trip to the italian market, and make sure at some point you are going to be somewhere not in center city to gather some dandelions. This is a little more expensive, but is really cool.

For the artist in your life: Why not make them some paper to draw on out of the lint in your dryer? There are a few needed materials, but I bet you have most of them, even the window screen you could just go cut out of an old abandoned building...wait...no you can't, that's illegal.

For the artist in your life: Because you couldn't give them both the same present, they probably go out and drink coffee together, what if they think you aren't creative enough for them? Make the other one clay out of some lint. (The instructions are towards the bottom of the page). This way next time they have coffee together they'll be talking about how creative you are, not how you gave them both the same present.

For you pretentious friends: Go somewhere where they have cheap records, like that record store right next to Grindstone and Golden Empress Garden on 5th by South, or Relapse on South St. and find some cheap records to make a bowl out of.

For your hungry friend: Awhile ago I posted a recipe to make a cake for about $2 or $3. Why not just give that to a hungry friend? Everyone loves food, unless they suck.